Friday, June 3, 2011

Dear Chloe, Love Mom.

I love you so much, my daughter! Watching you grow up is the most incredible thing ever! So often I find myself looking at you and wondering what you are going to remember about your life, friendships, family and experiences when you are older. I wonder what your cherished memories will be. Sometimes, I even sadly wonder what you'll wish had been different and I renew my conviction to try and erase those. I wonder what you'll carry with you and who it will allow you to become as a grown person. I put so much thought and love and effort into making our experiences together meaningful and poignant. I remember spending so much time with you when you were a toddler, when I didn't work all day. Things are a lot different than that now. While I think you’ve long since adjusted, I still remember having all day with you every day. It makes it hard for me to see you when I get home from work for only a short amount of time, and then again, rushing off in the mornings. By the end of the week we mostly have a collection of “eat your dinner – good night – goodbye - see you after work” and I'm missing you. Sometimes, then when we get to sit and play and connect I study you and I can just swear you grew up a bit even during the course of that one week. Your expressions and antics change and your vocabulary grows. You collect experiences and memories so fast. I remember when I could jot a few notes down each day and log all your developments. Now, I can’t begin to keep up. You grow up so fast; sometimes I think I’m missing it. I put memories in this blog for you to keep and hold. I ask for stories and tid-bits of your life when you are with Grandma or your Dad. I want to keep those for you, too. I have to admit, maybe I write and document your life so I’ll have another way to cherish you, and make sure I’m really not missing it as you grow up.
I’m so proud of you and the child you are. You are so smart and responsible and creative. You are reading so well, every time we read a new book together you impress me. I love it when you draw me pictures, too. I feel like sometimes they are a little window into you. I’m proud of you for your swimming this year! You used to be so careful and worried, you didn’t even like to get a splash on your face. Now you’re jumping in! (With your nose plugged of course!) And with your bike riding! Even though you are nervous sometimes, you are really getting in to it when you get going. You were scared about going on our first ride with your attachment bike, but by the middle, you just loved it! It is so beautiful to me when I see you so brave like that. You are getting quite the green thumb this year, too! You’ve been keeping your pretty pink plant alive so well. (I did kill it while you were away over the hot weekend – I’m sorry about that. :)) This new one will stay alive for sure! You are really good at remembering to check if it needs water. We have been going to the Veggie Patrol and you are getting so comfortable in the gardens, planting seeds and plants and watering them. I’m 31 and just now figuring out how much fun it can be to have plants and gardens. I’m so glad to be sharing that with you.
I’ll close with this: The other day we were dancing around the living room together laughing and playing, then we stood facing each other and played “mirror”. It was so special to me to stand there watching you move and smile and concentrate on our game. When it was my turn to move and your turn to follow you were so intent and trusting while following my lead. I hope, as you grow up, that you’ll always trust my lead, not just when we play a game but in life, too. And I hope that you can continue to look toward me for guidance and support. I’ll always be here, steady and loving you and doing my very very best for you.
I love you more than all the sunlight and all the raindrops.
Love, Mom.

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